Ewwwwwwww Yuck!!!!

I wound up behind a truck swerving all over the narrow neighborhood street. Fortunately there was no other traffic. I followed a couple of blocks watching the truck drift. I got a little excited thinking I had a drunk driver. I decide it's time to stop him. I walk up to the driver to find a kid who couldn't have been more than 17 years old. I don't smell alcohol nor are his eyes red, the first two signs I look for. However he has this 'deer in the headlight' look about him. Still something isn't right here. I tell him why I stopped him then I notice something disturbing! His pants are unzipped! I then ask him what the hell he was doing. He says he was jerkin it (surely you can figure out what 'it' is) and that's why he was all over the road! Oh dear lord! I advise him to beat it at the house, not in the street and walk away. I don't feel like asking him for his license after where his hands have been!